It’s amazing how quickly my grief rushes back to me, threatens to swallow my existence. I can feel the weight tighten my chest again as I gasp for breath. Have I really lived over 5 months without her? Out of my group of friends, 3 of us have lost one of our parents in the last 6 months, the most recent being last week. How can I look them in the eyes when I know the exact extent of their devastation? How can I tell them that they won’t always feel so lost and miserable when I’m not even sure of it myself? How do you carry on?
it really pisses me off how easy it is to get sad and then how long and hard it is to get happy again like what the fuck man thats not fair
I try not to talk about my mom’s death anymore in public or around friends. I know they don’t mean it, but I can see that flash of relief in their eyes. I know exactly what their inner most thought is … “I’m so relieved I’m not in her place”. And you know what, I don’t blame them. I wouldn’t wish that kind of suffering even on my worst enemy, because there is no relief. There’s no escaping it. You go to sleep every single night wishing beyond hope that what you’re experiencing is all a nightmare, and then you wake up in the morning devastated all over again because it’s not. This is life now.
A good friend of mine’s dad passed away suddenly a couple of days ago, and now all the emotions that death brings are rushing back to me. And the worst part is I know that there’s nothing I can say to him to help him with this loss. I know, because I’ve lived through it. I feel this horrible, gut wrenching pain for him because what lies ahead is the hardest thing he’ll ever do, and I know how much he’ll be hurting.
Thank you! Him and I have a lot of the same likes and dislikes, he’s actually read Harry Potter (plus!), and he loves cats. What more could I ask for?
And yes he does make me laugh, a lot.
Thank you! :)
Yes we have gone on a date! Several actually :) He’s really lovely.
Like or reblog if you love at least one of these characters.
Hello love! Sometimes I wonder if you’re the same anon that has been messaging me lately. I look forward to your messages, they have helped me a lot. It gives me so much hope that there is still good left in the world, that a complete stranger can care about someone they’ve never met.
Yes I am still talking to that guy, I think we’re official now *girly giggles* It’s nice to have something to take my mind off of what has transpired the last few months.
I don’t know what asshole invented the idea that teenage girls are the cause for all evil, but I really hope that person never has to raise one. I don’t want him to see her dissolve in his fingers as society tells her to eat less, be thinner, be the damsel in distress, be something for a man to fix, be different but not too different, be special but never ever a special snowflake - I don’t want him to watch as she realizes that no matter what she loves, she’ll be made fun of for it. She can simply like her coffee from Starbucks and suddenly she’s vapid and thinks herself poetic. She’ll want to play video games but be called a fake nerd, particularly if she poses in any remotely flirtatious way because for some reason despite the entire community playing games with poorly dressed women they still hate it when a real girl wears less clothing, she will be seen as trespassing in a specifically male space - but when she falls in love with a female-based television show for children, she’ll watch as men step on themselves to sexualize it. If she wants old-fashion romance she’s seen as being naive but at the same time is told to keep herself ‘pure’ for some dude that might not hurt her. If she admits to being anything, she makes herself a target. She will be told her worth is based on how much a man values her. She might love to cook but she’ll hate being asked to stay in the kitchen, she might love to read but get told she’s too introverted by half the population and ‘not that special’ by the other. If she loves to go out and party, she’s ‘just another college co-ed,’ if she loves to spend her friday nights watching anime, she’s a shut-in. God forbid she be proud of something: the words “I’m different from other girls” are a death sentence because we live in a society that doesn’t want to see women like that, a society that doesn’t like the idea maybe we all are actually different and not carbon copies of each other, maybe we all would like to feel unique and loved and worth knowing - maybe the real problem is that she will be raised to believe being a girl means silicone and photoshop and dying as a way to move forwards a plot - and she doesn’t want to be seen as that. When she says “I’m not like other girls,” she means she’s not like the girls she sees on tv, these invented two-dimensional creatures that say one line and then get chased down by monsters.
She can try all she likes. She’ll be shut down at every single fucking turn. What she doesn’t know is that they’re getting her ready for when she’s grown up because she’ll be so used to being stepped on she’ll just give up. Why respect women when you don’t even respect little girls?
And when she is burning up, when she mentions that her insides are volcanoes and her skin is too thin to contain them: she will be told she is hysterical, that she’s doing it for attention.
I don’t want him to watch as she shuts down, as she learns to live as a paradox, I don’t want him to see her rip herself to shreds in order to be perfect, I don’t want him to realize that there’s no way she’ll get help because she’s only doing what she’s told."